Midlife Unfiltered— Its Messy, Magical, and Everything in Between

Embrace the messy middle.

If this title caught your eye, chances are you’re an old-timer. And guess what? There’s no shame in that. I’m one, too, if it makes you feel better.
Turning 40 was a big milestone for me; it came with some perks.

One of the best things I learned was to say no to certain things, prioritize self-care, and create some “me time.” However, not everyone saw this change in a good way. Some family and friends brushed it off with jokes like, “Oh, it must be a midlife crisis!” At first, it stung, but then I started to wonder: Why is everything we do at this stage of life so often labeled a crisis?

Spoiler alert: it’s not a crisis. It’s a lot, though. Grab your big Ol cup of tea, pull your three-legged chair, and let’s dive into the real deal. Midlife is messy, magical, and everything in between. Lean in, and let’s have an honest talk about what goes down in this stage of life.

The Best Freedom of Midlife

The 40s is when you finally realize the only approval you need is your own, and yes, it’s amazing. To all my 30-somethings who are shaking their heads like they’ve been there and done that, the 40s is a whole lot more than a bag of chips.

You stop seeking validation from anyone, not even from your grandmother, who approves your porridge-making skills. It’s not about disrespect. It’s about understanding that this life is yours, not theirs.

Let’s look back at the 20s and 30s for a second.

There is a tendency to do things we perceive as cool and acceptable to people we admire, like parents or aunts. It was a phase of bending over backward to fit into everyone else’s mold.

But now, it’s different.

You’ve shifted your priorities and finally see that what matters most is you. And heck, if you can’t stand the smell of oil and heat in the kitchen, you find yourself going into something that makes you happy.

Quite frankly, you don’t care if your grandmother said you are the best in the culinary department. In your 40s, you’re comfortable in your skin. You let go of things that no longer serve you, whether it’s people’s expectations or extra baggage.

On the flip side, the 40s can feel like you are right in the middle of the fire, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego style. Life throws all the demands your way, and whether ready or not, you have got to show up. The good news is that, just like them, you are not in there alone.

For the sake of those doubting, allow me to highlight some of the demands and issues: job losses, financial struggles, and the challenges of caring for aging parents who need extra support while raising your own children. It’s a lot, and let’s be real—it can be seriously stressful. Shall we go on?

How about those who are unhappy in their careers but fear leaving because their skills don’t feel transferable? Or industry disruptions, like those in the trucking industry, that have still not fully recovered since Covid. I remember when we lost a transport contract, and in minutes, our biggest source of income was gone.

Do you want me to continue?

Let’s not get started with the “funny messages” our bodies start sending suddenly. Those extra pounds are giving your knees something to complain about, and your energy levels start to go south. It’s like your body starts to make its own version of a midlife crisis!

And for my bold sisters, let’s talk about those hot flashes. A friend of mine swears by her personal, portable fan—she’s not taking any chances! I’m just saying.

There should be a crash course or certification to help us navigate this era. Things like:

• mourning the loss of loved ones
• raising kids who are becoming independent and those who are dependent due to disability
• caring for aging parents whose health is declining
• dealing with abrupt life changes like divorce, bankruptcy, terminal illness, lack of jobs
• Scams. Imagine hustling for years, finally saving enough to buy a 50 by 100 plot in Mai Mahiu, only to discover the land you bought doesn’t exist.

Here’s the truth: it’s not easy. Even with all that you have seen, my mom would say, ‘nothing truly prepares you for this stage of life.’ But these are also the best years.

Why? Through all the chaos, you are no longer naive or shallow, you are grounded and have gained some wisdom. You have an ideal of what matters.You handle issues without breaking, and you respond calmly instead of reacting most of the time. (Where are all my real ones who react once in a while and catch themselves when it’s too late?). Honestly, you’re okay with imperfection. You no longer force things, and are mindful of who you vibe with.

By this time, you have stopped chasing outside validation.

You don’t need to be in the “cool group.” You don’t need to buy the latest trends. You don’t even need to apologize for your quirks. They make you, YOU!

For example, I like tea, which must boil with loose tea leaves and lots of milk. I’m old school, and I embrace it. And guess what? I like it that way.
You know you are worthy whether you show up with a full face of makeup, no makeup, a snatched waist, love handles, and no filter. Period.

Your value isn’t tied to them or the opinion of your friends or enemies. It’s rooted in the fact that God thought you were worth saving, and He gave his only son for you. That’s freedom.

The Gift of Midlife

The 40s give you the gift of showing up as yourself—for yourself. And that is the most liberating thing of all.

I wrote all that to tell you.

Don’t buy into the fear that midlife is a crisis. It’s not.

Think of it as a nudge from Mother Nature to awaken you, to pay a little attention to some things— to arise and be intentional with the next eras.

Drop a comment and let me know your thoughts.